A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait.' Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"
A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son
ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a sea gull
lay dead in the sand. "Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked.
"He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied. The boy thought a moment and then said,
"Did God throw him back down?"
After the church service a little boy told the pastor, "When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money." "Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "but why?" "Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever had."
The top ten ways the Bible would have been different if it had been
written by college students:
10. The Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning--cold.
9. The Ten Commandments are actually only five, double-spaced, and
written in a large font.
8. New edition every two years in order to limit reselling.
7. Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't cafeteria
food.
6. Paul's letter to the Romans becomes Paul's e-mail to
[email protected].
5. Reason Cain killed Abel: They were roommates.
4. The place where the end of the world occurs: Finals, not Armageddon.
3. Out go the mules, in come the mountain bikes.
2. Reason why Moses and followers walked in the desert for 40 years:
They didn't want to ask directions and look like freshmen.
1. Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the
seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due
and then pulled an all-nighter.
A cheerful heart is good medicine... Prov 17:22a (NIV)
A pastor went out one Saturday to visit his church members. At one house it
was obvious that someone was home, but nobody came to the door even though
the pastor knocked several times. Finally, the pastor took out his card and
wrote "Revelations 3:20" on the back of it, and stuck it in the door.
[Revelations 3:20: Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears
my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him and him
with me.]
The next day, the card turned up in the collection plate. Below the
pastor's message was the notation "Genesis 3:10"
[Genesis 3:10: I heard your voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I
was naked; and I hid myself.]
One Sunday a pastor told his congregation that the church needed some
extra money and asked the people to prayerfully consider giving a little extra
in the offering plate.
After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and
noticed that someone had placed a $1,000 bill in offering. He was so excited
that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he'd like to
personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate.
A very quiet, elderly, saintly lady all the way in the back shyly raised
her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her
way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so
much and in thanksgiving asked her to pick out three hymns.
Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the
three handsomest men in the building and said, "I'll take him and him and
him."
A clergyman walking down a country lane and sees a young
farmer struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it had
fallen off.
"You look hot, my son," said the cleric. "why don't you rest
a moment, and I'll give you a hand."
"No thanks," said the young man. "My father wouldn't like
it."
"Don't be silly," the minister said. "Everyone is entitled
to a break. Come and have a drink of water."
Again the young man protested that his father would be
upset. Losing his patience, the clergyman said, "Your father
must be a real slave driver. Tell me where I can find him
and I'll give him a piece of my mind!"
"Well," replied the young farmer, "he's under the load of
hay."
A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent
over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back
into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave
you are and how you are my hero." The man took the frog out of his
pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back
into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an
entire week."
The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned
it to his pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
princess, I'll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want."
Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into
his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a year and do anything
you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The man said, "Look, I'm a seminarian. I can't have a girlfriend, but
a talking frog is cool."